Homesickness: the silent struggle for expats
Cris, Stefi, Ali & Bea
Antwerp 2020/2021
Cheers to these girls, who made me feel at home far away from home since day 1. Even with all the Covid chaos, they made everything easier.
Embracing new adventures and experiences as an expat comes with its own hidden challenge that's not often talked about: homesickness. It's more than just missing home. It's about longing for the familiar faces, the cozy vibes of your favorite places, and that warm, fuzzy feeling of belonging somewhere. It hits you harder when you realize life back home goes on without you - parents get older, friends start their own families, and all those responsibilities eagerly await your return. It's an acute awareness of everything you're missing out on, coupled with the challenge of keeping relationships alive across the distance.
Yet, we hardly talk about it, especially with all the glam shots of living abroad flooding our feeds. The reality is, homesickness affects almost everyone who steps out of their comfort zone, but it's a struggle often faced in silence. It's predominantly a private battle.
Understanding homesickness
Homesickness is perfectly normal and a part of the human experience of adapting to new environments. Recognizing it is the first step to dealing with it.
It's also important to remember that homesickness isn't about not liking where you are now. It's really about the love you have for your home and your people. Knowing it comes from a place of love, not regret, can really help.
An interesting fact: research suggests that homesickness levels can increase over time, not just hit you when you first move. Speaking from my expat experience in Berlin for 3 years, I totally get that: while the environment is now familiar, we still feel like outsiders. But this is part of the bigger cultural shock adventure that comes with living abroad.
Cultural adjustments
Adjusting to a new culture can be both exciting and challenging. It's all about getting the hang of new social norms, languages, customs, and behaviors that might be quite different from what you're used to back home. Think of it as evolving through stages, starting from the "falling in love phase" where everything is super exciting, to finally feeling at home in your new surroundings.
The key to making this journey smoother, in my opinion, is keeping an open and curious mindset. Dive into the local community, pick up some of the local language, and join in on cultural activities – it's a surefire way to make your expat life richer. Also, connecting with other expats who've been in your shoes can offer some solid advice and support. Remember, every culture has its own charm and challenges, and embracing these new experiences is the first step to feeling at home far away from home. Embrace the challenges and allow yourself to grow through them. And when you do get that pang of homesickness, remember that it's just a reminder of how much love and connection you have back home. And that's definitely something to cherish and be grateful for.
What to do when you're feeling homesick
Make a little piece of home: Surround yourself with stuff that reminds you of home, like photos, decorations, or even smells. It’s like building a little comfort zone right where you are. Consider buying the coffee machine that used to make your mornings cozy and warm. Think about getting the blanket you used to snuggle up with on the couch or the candle you used to light while waiting for guests.
Keep in touch: Thanks to technology, staying connected is super easy. Video calls, texts, and even good old snail mail can make you feel closer to your people despite the miles.
Find your new crew: Getting involved in your new community can really help shake off that lonely feeling. Check out some clubs, go to social gatherings, or just say hi to your neighbors or classmates. It’s all about making new friends while keeping the old ones close.
Jump into the new culture: Dive headfirst into the culture around you. Try out local foods, celebrate their traditions, and visit cool spots. It’s a great distraction and a way to start loving where you are now.
Let yourself feel: Bottling up your homesickness can make it worse. It’s okay to feel sad. Share how you’re feeling with friends or consider talking to someone who can help. Sometimes just talking about it can make you feel a ton better.
Connect with your culture: Hanging out with people who share your culture, enjoying your homeland's food, music, and chitchat can make the world feel a bit smaller. It’s a warm, fuzzy reminder of home and a great way to keep your culture buzzing in your new life.
Discover a new “favorite” spot: Maybe it’s a cozy café, a quiet spot at the library, or a bench under a big tree. Finding that special place where you feel a bit more settled can be a game-changer.
Plan a trip home: If you can, plan for a trip back home or have your family and friends come over. Looking forward to these visits can make things a lot easier to handle.
Start a gratitude journal: Writing down things you’re thankful for and what you’re excited about can help manage homesickness. Give it a try before bed each night.
Final thoughts
Remember that you're not alone. Many of us expats, travelers, and students feel it too, and it just shows how strong our connections back home are, and how brave we are for stepping into new adventures. Let's chat about it more openly and shake off any stigma around these feelings. It's totally okay to miss home, but don't forget to also find happiness and fulfillment in where you are now. Finding that balance can be tricky, but it's where we often discover our deepest growth. Hang in there!
